Gentlemanliness, Part III

For the longest time I thought a good conversationalist was someone who dazzled others with his insights and elocution. But the truth is that those who are out to impress rarely do so, and a good conversationalist achieves something higher. Someone should have shown me La Bruyere’s insight on the art:

The great charm of conversation consists less in the display of one's own wit and intelligence than in the power to draw forth the resources of others; he who leaves you after a long conversation, pleased with himself and the parts he has taken in the discourse, will be your warmest admirer … [T]he true man of genius will delicately make all who come in contact with him feel the exquisite satisfaction of knowing that they have appeared to advantage.

This passage captures the meta-principles of true gentlemanliness that I offered previously: 1) Strive to bring out the best in others and 2) Practice courtesy from a position of strength. Something like noblesse oblige is what we’re aiming for—the old claim that a man with power, status, or privilege ought to be good toward those with less. With this ongoing series, I want to explore what this ideal might look like in our times—what it means to become a man with real social powers and a man who uses them for good.

See Part I and Part II if you haven’t already. Here goes Part III of my notes-to-self on how a gentleman is to conduct himself.