Mailbag—July '26
The Gender Wars, The Trades, Running, Novels, Etc
I thought I’d share some responses to questions from cavaliers and sensitive young men. Send a DM or email to sonofchivalry@protonmail.com.
Greetings Chiv, I was wondering what you think about the appropriateness of chivalry at a time when so few women are deserving of it. Things are bad out there, man. Doesn’t it make a guy kind of a fool to hold doors open for promiscuous and entitled women? You know, the thing about not throwing pearls before swine.
- Jeff
There’s a lot to say on this one.
Chivalry, the way I see it, is primarily for you and me, not for the ladies. It’s a Christian honor code for the martial class, rather than a set of polite manners like holding doors open or giving up your seat in church or on a train. The central chivalric virtues are prowess, courtesy, honor, generosity, loyalty, and faith—notice that courtesy is one of the virtues, not the whole of the ideal. Of course there are implications for how we ought to treat the fairer sex, and the ladies will definitely benefit from a chivalric revival. But the ideal is worthy because it points us toward the kind of men we want to become, rather than because the ladies are automatically owed deferential treatment.
As for the current situation, it is definitely unsustainable. Everyone should be deeply saddened to see men and women at each other’s throats in this nuclear gender war. We need each other, and if we don’t get this fixed we’re in deep trouble.
That said, I don’t want to underestimate how bad it is out there for young guys, in many ways. Among those many ways: our relentless drive for Progress seems to have unleashed all of the worst habits of the fairer sex and created monsters of them. While certain “high-value” cads deserve their share of the blame for making the situation much worse, in general our current problem is not due to the normal guys. It has much more to do with the fake equality that leads inevitably to the spiritual degeneration (not to mention the unhappiness) of many many many women. (Definitely not all, but many.) We have to reckon with that reality, rather than always taking the easy way out of blaming young men (especially heterosexual ones of European descent), telling them to “Do better!”
Much more to say. I am working on another essay on the subject.
To address your question more specifically: I am big on the virtue of prudence, judging what action is appropriate for any situation and how to achieve whatever good can be achieved. Treating people with courtesy and good cheer is almost always a good thing, but that doesn’t mean we ought not make fools of ourselves with groveling conduct toward women, especially entitled and undeserving ones. Determining exactly how to manage this balance is no simple thing—it instead demands good judgment. But I think it helps to start with by approaching all of our endeavors from a position of strength. If I aim to be gallant in my conduct, it has more to do with my own aspirations than with any weak desire to seek approval.
