Question From a Struggling Young Man

I have come to despise the advice-giving industry. An absurd number of gurus on the internet claim to be authorities on health & wealth & love & happiness & manliness, and they’re eager to share their enlightenment with the world—even if it’s not at all clear why one should listen to them. Most of these gurus have no claim to authority or success other than … success in teaching others to be successful! Fake it till you make it! Some will even borrow the money to lease Italian sports cars for their inspirational videos, hoping to make themselves seem more like people you’d want to listen to.

Good taste should cause us to cool it with the advice.

But when a sensitive young man like Miguel from Brazil asks a heartfelt question, I feel compelled to point him in the right direction. Miguel is probably not alone in his struggles, so I figured I’d post my response.

---

Miguel’s Email

Subject: Weakness and shame

Hey Guild,

Greetings from Brazil! Brother, I wanted some insight from you. My father didn't teach me to be strong. Ever since I was a kid, I was weak and shy, without a strong heart. And ever since I can remember, all I ever wanted was to be strong and courageous.

As time went on, I became stronger through boxing. But I still am so weak, so undisciplined, so afraid, so lazy. I lack discipline, lack courage. But I don't want this life. I want true strength. Ive always wanted it. But I confess my sins, try, and fail, again and again. Laziness torments me. Addicted to my phone, addicted to porn, undisciplined with my work and my studies. Addicted to comfort, not being able to wake up on time, and so much more.

And I've tried so many times, so many different ways to be strong. I've tried to develop a vision for myself, with Jordan Peterson's guidance; I've tried prayer and fasting (still doing), cold showers, reading articles and books. But it always falls flat. I always go back to weakness and cowardice.

I want to be a winner, want to be strong.

Do you have any tips on how to change my life?

Sincerely,

Miguel

---

My Response

Dear Miguel,

We're in the same situation in a lot of ways, as are countless young men. Our times have formed us to be shadows of what we should have been.

I’m glad you at least have enough great-heartedness to be disappointed when you look in the mirror. I mean that. Completely unironically. Most guys don't seem have those stirrings inside the ribcage: they are too fixated on distraction and self-gratification to desire something more, too taken with all the cheap shiny things on the ground to look up at the sky. A magnanimous man’s frustration with himself can be the start of something.

I came across a passage in Learning the Virtues That Lead You to God by Romano Guardini which seems fitting:

Living patience is the whole man, standing in tension between what he would like to have and what he has, between what he ought to accomplish and what he is able at any given time to do, between what he wishes to be and what he really is. Working out this tension, again and again gathering things together in relation to the possibilities of the moment: that is patience. So we might say that patience is man in the process of becoming, with a true understanding of himself.

His point—which is somehow both obvious and something that we need frequent reminding of—is that deep flaws and vices will take time to correct. A man’s condition in this life is as a work-in-progress.

Patience should become easier when you remember that we live in a spiritual warzone. If the Pandemic and the last few years have taught me anything, it is the reality of demonic forces. For most of my life I was blissfully ignorant about their involvement in our affairs, thinking they mostly left you alone to pursue Your Best Life and only really pounced on those who messed around with the occult and Ouija boards and that kind of stuff. Now I know better. The Pandemic helped me to see their fingerprints on everything. And they seem to have targeted you in a special way. Acknowledging this is hardly comforting, but it’s another step forward.